Thanks!

Wow, I've successfully managed to avoid posting here for an entire nine and a half months - good on me ;)

To recap (and this is difficult, because so much has happened since I last wrote to y'all here but anyway): 

I got into college!!!

God bless Big George

I became an adult turned 18 -

I graduated

you see the girl with the rainbow tights in the front? holl@ das me. at graduation. as class president.

I registered voters at SF Pride with Claire

I had my first job, first paycheck, first uncomfortable work experiences ever

I actually had an office with my own desk and workspace and everything - too bad it was in a trailer next to a candy factory? A surreal experience to say the least, I'll be happy to recount it to you in real life if you ever meet me and ask-

I now study International Affairs in DC, literally blocks away from the White House, State Department, and more - arriving to class late because a presidential motorcade blocked your was is an acceptable excuse here and I find that insane but it happens!

The view from the Elliott School of International Affairs' rooftop

Perks of living in DC included going to the White House Tree Lighting Ceremony!

Entering DC as someone with literally no knowledge about politics, I got whipped into shape - ridiculously quickly because of election season

This semester was filled with constant talks about the RNC/DNC speeches, debate watch parties, and people yelling at each other about policy. I will never forget how stressful the election was - but also how sweet it was rushing to the White House as soon as Obama's win was announced. Bless.

I launched myself into my coursework (microecon, sociocultural anthropology, comparative politics, world history, and a university writing seminar on "The Political Brain") - and became a little too dependent on caffeine while I was at it

disgruntled me during a 3am study session

I became best friends with my suitemates/floormates (we call ourselves "The West Wing," haha)

Cupcake Crawl in Georgetown!

Election Night! Obama actually lives in our room, *that's* how political my life has become

Ice Skating with The West Wing

I became closer to some of my high school friends, despite the distance

Henry and Me taking a nighttime excursion Jefferson Memorial during his Fall Break

Claire and Gabby, reunited at last - quaker hand touch!

All in all, 2012 was hands down the most rewarding year I've had so far. Life continues to be in flux and now more than ever I'm unsure of where I stand or where to go, but at the same time I'm trying to take baby steps in learning more about who I am now and who I want to be and what I want to do and how I want to do that.

I've become hyper aware of my privilege and critical of those who aren't - but equally so, I've become so thankful for everything I've been given and motivated to utilize these tools to do good. My first semester I spent trying to just find my feet academically, next semester I plan to become active in campus life as well as get some work experience in DC. I want to meet people and learn new things and have a good time.

In all earnestness I have to admit over the past year I've been far more reserved in many aspects of my life (with the obvious example of blogging about my life here). I've come to think there's something to be said for living more in the present, planning a bit more for the future, and spending less time parsing out the past. Admittedly on my Tumblr (which I still use perhaps far more than I should) I still post about myself at a high frequency, but I don't launch into written in-depth analyses about my life as I did two years ago ago. I used to blog so often because it was a useful medium for me to organize my chaotic thoughts - but I think now that I have more people in my life who I've decided to let in, I no longer need to rely on myself to figure things out - I have help.

So that brings me to my new year's resolution: Don't hold back. 2012 was great in that I took a lot of chances and often they paid off - I'm going to ramp it up for 2013. Within reason, I'll stop bottling things up inside and let go. I'm going to let go of inhibitions, let go of that inferiority complex I'm constantly fighting, and let go of all these invisible barriers I set up for myself. I'm going to push myself to become a better person, and I will succeed.

I've learned to accept myself as I am - but the parts that I can change, I will. I don't need luck, I just need me.

/end pep talk to self

Best wishes for the new year, blog lovelies! Here's to a 2013 (and beyond) that's as wonderful as you are.

-K

Spring 2012: What to Wear

[insert obligatory acknowledgement of lack of posts here]

My school is on Spring Break, and it's astonishing! The first few weeks of spring, that transition between the electric chills of Winter and the new beginnings of Spring, are the most exhilarating time of the year I think. You know what's also weird? The realization that I only have 2.5 more months of high school to go. Ridiculous!

To answer the never-ending question of "how's the college thing going?" - it's "going," is really all I can say. My early decision application to Brown got deferred, so I'm waiting to hear back from them and the other private colleges I applied to (NYU, GW, Pomona, Scripps), which should happen by or on April 1st. The first schools I'll hear from are UC Berkeley and UCLA, which should come out toward the end of Spring Break - and I am just ambivalent about it at this point. I'm excited because I'll finally at least have a definite yes/no answer. Believe you me - seeing the majority of my friends get either accepted early action/decision or accepted by schools that notify earlier makes me happy for them, but does nothing to satiate my need to get out of this purgatory that Brown put me in ;). Seeing people get into their top choices of schools like Stanford, Princeton, and Georgetown only adds to the inferiority complex! But enough of my whining.

My pace of life has kind of relaxed over the past two months, which is really pretty delightful. I've had pretty much the same amount of coursework but I've gotten a lot better at pacing myself, and while I still can't really say I have much of a life outside of school, I have been spending a lot of my free periods out in downtown Monterey either having food adventures with Claire and Gabby or just walking around by myself.

I've also gotten really into thrifting. More and more, I've been getting more financially conscious and realizing how much money I tend to spend on clothes.... thrifting helps stem the cash flow out of my wallet ;)
I've also finally gotten to the point where I actually have too many clothes in my closet (what?!?!) - although idk that I can ever say I'll stop buying clothes - I just love them too much for that!

If I had an unlimited wardrobe, this is what I would ideally be wearing (almost exclusively, ngl) this spring:

Lately I've been really into neutral and pastel colors. This generally muted color scheme seems so fresh for spring, I love it! Oversized sweaters are perfectly appropriate substitutes for jackets - and they're oh so simultaneously, ironically, hipster chic and utilitarian. While I've yet to add any sheer shirts into my wardrobe, I've been really lusting over them - depending on their design, they can be both provocative and put together. Now, while I can't pull of maxi skirts without wearing heels, I've been really obsessed with them! Flowy ones with pleat-like drapes in light or sheer materials like chiffon are fantastically ethereal and feminine. All of these pieces put together are romantic, flattering, and generally just pretty.

Now if it's in to wear subtly complimentary clothes, their perfect counterparts are eye-catching accessories.

Floppy felt hats seem most appropriate for winter, but they can also provide a shield from the sun and needed warmth on chilly days (both are really common around these parts). Structured bags provide a nice contrast to the looser silhouette of the above mentioned clothes. Actually, the blue bag pictured is my latest purchase! I was hoping to use it as my schoolbag (b/c my old one just went caput), but the buckle thing might take too long to fiddle with for it to be a pragmatic choice for high school.... probably just use it for the weekends and maybe in college. Friendship bracelets take a new twist with the new trend of weaving string/leather with chains, and I love the casual-cool feel you get when layering them - definitely going to be one of my next DIY projects! Now, I was first turned on to the cap-toed shoe trend after seeing the yellow-capped Calvin Klein flats pictured, but the black Target ones pictured above seem like a good alternative that I'm strongly debating going for.

So yeah, the picture on the left is what I wore on Valentine's Day... kind of an amalgamation of all the above trends I would love to wear more often. The chunky knit sweater was thrifted for $9 (a great deal for one that I can tell was hand knit!) and the flowy skirt is a BCBG one that Claire gave me. I wore it with a chambray shirt (stolen from mother... I think it came from Kmart way back when?), lavender tights from F21, simple black flats from Target, and bright red lipstain - sassy and wonderful, if I must say so myself.

So yup, that's my fashion roundup for you. I'm gonna go back to having that Freaks and Geeks marathon with myself and maybe, possibly, get some real sleep [what a novel concept!].

-K

like a tree breathing through its spectacles

Has it really been three months since I last got to post here? That is just truly ridiculous, and I apologize... although I can't necessarily say I'm totally apologetic about it. This past semester has truly been the busiest time of my life - and possibly the most fulfilling as well.

So many changes have happened that I'm not really sure where to begin. I guess the top two things to note are that (a) my family is hosting a Chinese exchange student, Angel (more on this later hopefully) and (b) I'm nearing the end of the college application process (was deferred during the early application round from my first choice college [which has changed since the last time I posted about college on this blog]).

I feel like I've been pushed to my limits physically, academically, and especially emotionally (weird, right?) in the past couple of months. However, it's been great in that along the way, I've also just grown a lot as a person and learned a lot about myself as well as my relationships with friends and family. I've learned to both take things at face value and not take things for granted.

Mostly I'm just really thankful for what this year has brought me. I have an incredibly large inferiority complex and often feel utterly inadequate, but it's astounding to simply step back and look at what I've been given - I am so lucky to be where I am right now, and I know that things will turn out well even if they don't go exactly as planned (life works in mysterious ways, after all).

I just want to acknowledge the fact that the above writing has given about zero interesting anecdotes from my life, but at this point it's been so long since I've updated that realistically, logging everything interesting that's happened to me in the past few months is just not a feasible task. Forgive me!

So anyway, I rather enjoyed today. After waking up after spending the morning in a field of dreams, I went ice skating with Cindy and Angel for an hour or so. After we got back home, I finished flipping through the Collected Poems of Frank O'Hara (who has recently become my favorite author - his poems are so breezy and accessible but still fantastically reflective of life itself). Then later this night we had a little party where we wrapped the gifts we had yet to wrap for friends. I think Christmas was quite lovely, despite the fact that it's not at all a big deal for our family.

Just want to leave this post with this video of me reciting O'Hara's "Having A Coke With You" which I recorded this afternoon. I'm a little bit obsessed with this piece, and even wrote about it in one of my college supplements ;)
My reading is essentially based off of O'Hara's own reading, which feels pretty much perfect. The poem itself feels pretty perfect to me, actually.



I've never been in love, but I'm willing to bet that this poem is what it feels like.

Thanks for being here, blog lovelies. I miss you.
-K

inflections and impermanence

空の向こう越える為のこの人生の抑揚 - 嵐, 『Believe』

[to overcome what's beyond the skies, the inflections of this human life - Arashi, "Believe"]

I can't believe it's been ten years.

When I first heard about the crash on the Twin Towers, I was eating a bowl of cereal and watching the morning news. Nobody I knew was directly affected by the attack. I remember the myriad television segments covering, adults around me explaining that something incredibly sad and terrible had happened, and our school holding a penny donation drive for the Red Cross 9/11 victim's fund. We were told to be proud of our nation under God, that we would stand strong against the terrorists endangering us, and that we should be thankful for the lives we were blessed with. In the midst of adversity, we cried collective tears of red, white and blue.

I mostly remember not understanding. We were bombarded in this haze of images showing grief, destruction, pain - but none of it registered as "real" to me.  I was 7 years old. The world revolved around me, and I couldn't fathom why people were making such a big deal out of these buildings which I had genuinely never heard of before that morning.

Ten years later, I get it. I get the sheer worry and pain and terror that these victims and their families experienced, and I'm taken aback by how anybody could willingly destroy so many lives. And while I admit I don't know what to think regarding these conspiracy theories, terrorism, and who to blame for this blow to the American psyche, I respect the bravery of the citizens who attempted to rescue people from the destruction. I admire the passengers of Flight 93, am thankful that there are servicemen who put their lives on the line for other people, and hope that the people forced to a tragic end now rest in peace. My thoughts in particular go out to relatives of the deceased as well as survivors of this ordeal - I hope by this time they've all found some sort of solace and closure to this dark chapter of American history.

This past spring break on my trip to New York, I visited the National September 11 Museum and was reminded of how deeply this attack on our national symbols affected the American people. But mostly I found myself proud that while we haven't forgotten, we've moved on in honor of the people lost. In the aftermath of a tragedy, we pick up the pieces, rebuild, and become a stronger people - a stronger nation. This state of impermanence, existence's constant state of flux, is a reminder that while we may suffer misfortunes, better times will inevitably come.

Today we remember the ordeal, grieve for the victims, and in their honor our stars and stripes fly half mast. Today, we are reminded of the dangers life as a human entails. We are reminded that while some people will cause hardship, it we can be the better people, we can be strong, we can rebuild, we can carry on.  Most importantly, we are reminded of how beautiful our world can be.

Michelle Obama says "we recall the spirit of unity and compassion that bound us all during that time. We remember the heroes that rose up, the neighbors who reached out, and those countless moments when the ties of family community and country felt stronger than ever. That is the spirit behind the September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance. It's a day to honor our heroes with thoughts and prayers, but also with action."



I've already spent time volunteering this weekend and cannot commit to doing more today, but I hope you lovely readers are inspired to do some sort of service for our country not only today, but over the rest of the year as well. We can all step up to the challenge.

-K

notes from my summer

I. Summer Intensive Language Program, AKA what I pretentiously like to call Grad School

From Monday to Friday I have Japanese class from 9-12, Lunch/people watching for an hour, then class again from 1-2:30. I'm a third of the way through the course, and we finish on August 10th - which coincidentally should also be my first day of Senior Year. Oh well, although I'll be missing that first day, I think it'll be worth it - I sometimes enjoy hanging out with my college buddies more than most of my high school, no offense to those of you who're reading this now... ;)

 いま, にほんごをはなします! Well... sort of. We just learned how to do past tense, and I still have a lot of trouble with particles and am sure I have a long, *long* way to go... but still, I now know a lot more than the simple "にほんごがわかりません" from the beginning of this summer.

The Japanese program at my school is one of the smallest of all the languages - there are only 5 people in my Elementary level class, and 11 people in all three levels! One is a student of the school, working towards his MBA, one is this nice Russian girl who graduated from UNM awhile back, one is a retired lawyer, and another is this guy who actually was on the last season of Beauty and the Geek! An eclectic bunch, we are. 

After school I like to walk downtown and grab a Jamba Juice or Mocha (depending on the weather), find a table outside, and sit down and do homework or read. Sometimes I even go on strolls down to the wharf and grab some cotton candy or clam chowder. Previously I felt like a loner doing stuff like this on my own, but lately I've embraced this sort of introspection and sort of enjoy recharging on my own, so to speak.

I've kicked the fear of going to movies alone and have actually gained a taste for walking downtown to the theater and catching a movie after school every once in awhile. The other day I had a meeting to go to but had a few hours to kill beforehand, so after I got bored of studying I caught a showing of The Tree Of Life - a movie I found visually gorgeous but generally pretentious and overall a mess. I really came in wanting to enjoy it and stuff... but came out having had a short nap (fell asleep around two hours into the movie I think) and having become disillusioned with the melodramatic soundtrack and unnecessarily long/almost ostentatious beginning-of-the-universe sequences. Sorry Terrence Malick, try again.

II. Gavin DeGraw!!!
A dream I've had ever since his album Chariot (Stripped) came out back in 2004 has been to see him live - you have no idea how big of his fan I used to be... and while I feel like a lot of his luster has been lost, and as much as I feel his voice no longer fits the pop scene (not that it ever did - his voice is so soulful and powerful and outstanding that he absolutely should do his own thing), I was so ecstatic to get the chance to see him back in June.
He sang a short setlist (after all, this was a free show that was mostly just for promotional purposes - his new album, Sweeter, comes out in August) which included old favorites and a few covers of old songs from guys like Sam Cooke. He sounds absolutely amazing live, and I feel so honored to have gotten to see him. His stage presence is just so powerful (as well as his backup singer/guitarist's, Billy Norris), and you can really tell he cares about his music and his audience. Here's a clip of him singing "Chariot," which used to be my favorite song:



You can hear me singing (badly) along near the end of the video. Sorry the beginning of the song is cut off, I was freaking out from excitement when he started and didn't think of recording it for a few moments. The video's so shaky because the excitement really just made me generally incoherent. Even now I'm smiling like a maniac and sound stupid. You get the point.

If you haven't heard his new song "Not Over You," take a listen! Not his best work but a good effort for trying to break into the pop scene again. You can really hear the Ryan Tedder influence in this one.


III. Summer Must Haves

1. Barrettes
I will make these happen, just you watch.

2. Light layers
Chambray shirts, striped tees, different cardigans, and various skirts:

3. A good playlist, filled to the brim with catchy, bubbly, stupid pop music that you're ashamed to listen to any other time of the year. 
On mine:

[click for larger]

4. Nail polish! 
My most recent:

5. Sleep
Enough said.

6. Movies, Candy, Popcorn
I finally set up the old TV (It's from the 80's and has wood paneling and is held together by tape at some parts - so cool!) I had lying around in my room and hooked it up to a DVD player - so my room has been the ultimate veg-out-and-watch-terrible-movies center. Some movies I've watched (in no particular order):

As you can see I have a penchant for teen movies, teen movies directed by John Hughes, teen movies directed by John Hughes starring Molly Ringwald, and Christian Bale's naked body.

I like to go for short mile runs, quit because it's too hot and I'm out of shape, come home and shower, put on a mask like this one, and then turn on a movie and chill. Feels so summery and fantastic.

7. ALIAS!
Easily one of the most clever shows I've ever watched. I've been hooked all summer (originally mostly because I had/have a huge crush on Bradley Cooper, but now because the show really is just fantastic). Right now I'm a few episodes into Season 5, and am simultaneously excited and sort of anxious about finishing the series.




J.J. Abrams can do no wrong.

8. COLLEGE
As much as I love summer and the freedom it brings, there is no avoiding the specter is College, whose applications I will soon have to start writing up. However I realized that there is no way I can humanely find the time and motivation to write essays for applications and scholarships, study enough to raise my ACT and SAT scores, and research colleges during my free time. Did I tell you about how I did a practice Math Level 2 test and scored a 540? Yeah pretty much it's hopeless. Bleh.

9. Fire, Water, Friends!
I've only gone to the beach once this summer (for a bonfire with friends) but it was really fun. I can't wait for the pool party at Nisha's tonight, we're going to hopefully light up the BBQ, splash around in her pool, and maybe even light a few sparklers :)

10. Sunshine?
It's a known fact that my mood improves as the sun comes out. Unfortunately for me, the sun only comes out for about half of the time - but when it does, I make damn sure to enjoy it while I can.

I LOVE YOU, SUMMER. PLEASE NEVER END.
-K